Written By: Tosin Ajogbeje/Date:2021/05/02
Why do people really cheat in a romantic relationship? Studies commonly find that men are more likely to cheat on their partners or are evolved to be more sexually impulsive. A Toronto Sun article once mentioned that women are also approaching equality on the cheating front. OK, let’s delve more into this topic:
Whether or not men and women cheat, we should ask ourselves what key motivating factors contribute to infidelity. Of course, there are several factors why people choose to cheat or mislead a spouse. According to research, advances in technology is making it easier for everyone to find partners and be in an extra-dyadic relationship. Extradyadic involvement relates to physical or emotional intimacy that takes place outside an existing romantic relationship. People can easily find dating sites like Tinder and Ashley Madison and date someone even when they are in an existing relationship. Do we say that due to the high rates of divorce and infidelity, maybe the world is looming towards a consensual non-monogamous practice?
Another reason why people cheat sometimes might be out of anger and the desire to get revenge because one partner cheated. Revenge can be a fight back to the deception and disrespect shown to the active participant(person cheated on). Anger-motivated infidelity can happen because of mistrust and frustration in the relationship. When a partner doesn’t receive much physically or emotionally, things might get hostile.
When Albert Einstein said You can’t blame gravity for falling in love. He wasn’t kidding one bit. Research claims that the rousing feeling of experiencing excitement or those rushes of dopamine from getting a text from someone could fade out at some point in time. Now if love fades away, why do people fall in love in the first place? The intensity of experiencing passion and getting gifts from a spouse or a relationship you are in could wear out. People sometimes blame this on rushing to the relationship too quickly or ignoring the early signs and complications at the beginning. And when the glitter dims, you might realize you are into someone else.
Situational factors like being in a long-distance relationship or devaluing your appearance might cause insecurities that inhibit you from committing to a relationship. Infidelity is more likely to occur when you are emotionally infatuated by someone else. People who dwell on obsession as a component for true love might be amazed by the discontent it brings to the table.
Research doesn’t ignore the lack of intimacy and unmet sexual or non-sexual needs as a motivating factor for cheating on a spouse. Some people believe that once things don’t improve in a relationship, then they move to the next chapter. Emotional and physical infidelity have been picked out, and it relates back to investing a lot of emotional energy in someone besides their partner.
Also, wanting variety in the context of a relationship or wanting to date someone else can be a factor. Asides this, when people are looking for a way to boost their self-esteem, they result to dating some other person to feel more confident and attractive. No doubt that these reasons exist. But here is the concluding upshot.
Research claims that on average, a male’s brain is evolutionarily more primed towards sexual conquest. Research also states that humans are mostly polygamous than monogamous. In ancient times, polygamous male ancestors would compete with other males to father the most children. The discourse on evolution, biology and banality, and the stereotypical language: “boys will be boys” do not excuse intolerant decision making as some would say. I don’t completely support people’s affirmation that men with high testosterone have a bigger excuse to cheat more. Not often do we say that women with more estrogen cheat. If this is scientifically proven, then we can say that is one side to the story. Maybe, we should continue to have a formal dialogue about other reasons why men cheat or why women cheat.
Supporting one belief that makes an excuse for men to cheat because of their high testosterone, while berating women more with “high estrogen” who also cheat, is quite prejudicial. What do I mean? Stay tuned for the next piece.
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